you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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