so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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