listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
