I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
