I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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