I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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