I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
