dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
