i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
