Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
