I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
