If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
third nipple confirmed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
