I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
