Are we in a gay sports bar?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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