real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
should my penis look like a turkey
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize