you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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