NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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