Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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