maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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