I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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