Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
