I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
