A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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