what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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