Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
