sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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