grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
