Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm like, not good at living.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
