I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
