Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize