at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
