then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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