Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
