Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize