i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize