Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we made out on top of his cat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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