She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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