i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
