I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
