There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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