I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
