Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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