im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
