At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
