I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize