singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize