i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
