This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
