do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
