I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
