I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
