Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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