Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
