she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
