We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
