Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize