She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
