i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had sex on a roof
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
