I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
