Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
