Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
