Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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