so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
