how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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