shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FUCK WHALES
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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