I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
