She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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